Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
