Grow some girl-balls and come out already
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
