need another drink. this is the easiest way
What a fucking waste of an outfit
you would pick up someone in the library
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
