my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
