What did we do last night that was yellow?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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