i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
