Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
