My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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