I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My ass is underappreciated
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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