Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
