i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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