You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
