Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
