In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
