I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
