i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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