How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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