It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
