Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
