Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
