you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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