so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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