I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
