Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
