i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Acid is not a monday night drug
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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