There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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