Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
