i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
