using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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