How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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