Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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