and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
