is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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