He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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