I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
