Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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