if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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