Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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