end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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