I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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