Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
