k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
