she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
