I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
