Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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