U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
