forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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