At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
