dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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