I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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