i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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